Feel My Feelings?

Whoa. Did I ever oversleep yesterday. I grabbed my coffee and got ready as fast as I could. I ended up getting to work about 10 minutes late but, besides The Pro, I am the first one there anyway, so it didn’t really matter.  I was super excited about my breakfast. I talked with Lee about her overnight oats so I gave it a try. I used Bob’s Red Mill Muesli and milk and put that in the fridge overnight. Once I was at work, I popped it into the microwave for a couple of minutes and I had perfect oatmeal without any oatmeal explosions. I topped it off with mixed berries, flax seed and a PB spoon.

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Lunch was an unexpected treat. T offered to go pick up sushi from a new place. I jumped all over that one and from her recommendation, I ordered a Happy Roll

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and a sweet potato roll.

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The happy roll made me very happy indeed. It was tuna, avocado, spicy sauce and crunchies. The sweet potato roll was a little undercooked but it was still tasty. I think this place will be our new fav because it is much cheaper and we both really enjoyed the happy roll. The afternoon was productive and when 3:30 rolled around, I hit the door running. I got home and felt a little hungry so I had a few grapes to hold me over.

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For dinner, I made eggs in purgatory again. I overcooked them again but we did enjoy them a little more because I served them over creamy polenta instead of brown rice.

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On the side, we had garlicy green and yellow beans with an olive oil drizzle.

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After dinner, I made my way to group therapy. This week, we focused on chapter 7, Feelings, in Eating in the Light of the Moon by Dr. Anita Johnston. What a loaded topic this was. I, along with everyone else in the class, felt really uncomfortable with this topic. Avoiding my feelings is what I have done my whole life, how am I supposed to all of a sudden start feeling them now? I even avoid feeling happy by sabataging myself with guilt and anxiety. It feels easier to just feel depressed, anxious or sad than to explore the array of other emotions. Obviously, that isn’t working too well for me but it was really hard to be told to intellectually just feel.

We all agreed at the end of the session that we felt worse than when we walked in. Why is it that just talking about trying to feel is hard? I think it is because I have so many unreconciled emotions that I’n not ready to feel my present life. Or maybe, it is easier to feel anger at my boss for a tiny little thing than to actually feel all of the anger I have stuffed down with food. Ah, a loaded topic, I tell you.

When we left, I was able to connect with a couple of the ladies in the group and it felt nice to talk about ED with a real live person as a friend instead of as a client. I’m surrounded by people that I view as normal eaters and it kills me that I am the screwed up one. Having someone relate felt so good, I hope that we can expand these conversations and become better friends.

By the time I got home, I was ready for bed. I fell asleep quickly which I think is a good sign that even though this is hard, it is good.

I can tell you what I am feeling right now, I feel that you all should get on over to Mara’s blog to enter her 100th post giveaway, I assure you, you want to win this one. And don’t forget, time is running out to enter my Country Bob’s All Purpose Sauce giveaway!

Exciting Things in Blogland

I started the day, yesterday, with a few sun salutations and a cup of coffee as I got ready for work. Once I was at work, I had a bowl of TJ’s high fiber cereal mixed with Quaker oat squares, ground flax seed and dried blueberries.

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Work was really busy so it was a great relief to break for lunch to meet my friend. We met at Ukrop’s since it has something for everyone’s lunch time palate. I got a brown rice spicy tuna roll

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and a veggie summer roll.

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We shared some easy conversation and good food, I was sad to go back to work 😦 Once I made it back, the afternoon flew by. I worked on my pile o’ paperwork and before I knew it, it was go time. I went home and pondered what to make for dinner. I didn’t write a menu plan for the week which always leaves me a little clueless mid-week. I fumbled around the kitchen and finally came up with this:

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Buffalo tempeh sandwiches with gorgonzola dressing and pickles. It turned out OK and I think I will make this again but I would do one thing different. I like I would cut the tempeh in half so that it could really soak up the sauce. On the side, we had steamed broccoli with an olive oil drizzle and garlic.

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For dessert, we shared a big bowl of grapes.

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I spent the rest of the evening reading and resting my sore hamstrings. I’m starting to wonder if I pulled them. I noticed they were still sore during my sun salutations, I had to even keep my knees bent in forward fold and down dog. I guess I should give them a couple days rest 😦

A couple of reminders about the happenings of blog land:

Mara is hosting the BSI this week and I am SO excited about the ingredient she picked! Zesty is hosting a grill charms giveaway and I am hosting a Country Bob’s All Purpose Sauce giveaway!!

Fabulous Saturday

What a lovely day we had yesterday. It had all the fabulous features a Saturday should have: a sweaty yoga class, a little grocery shopping, a run, some down time, dinner with friends and of course, good food. It all started with a bowl of Trader Joe’s High Fiber cereal mixed with Quaker Oat Squares. I topped it off with ground flax seed and dried blueberries. I’ve almost polished off my Costco size bag of dried blueberries and I can’t wait to dip into the mixed dried berries next!

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After breakfast and blogging, I went to my yoga class with Doroda. Unlike last time she taught the class, this class was full of sun salutations, vinyasas, challenging poses and sweat. We never made it into shoulder stand but we did give wheel another try. This time we used blocks up against a wall and I actually made it up for a few seconds! I have faith that with more practice, I will be up into it in a few weeks.

Yoga was followed by a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients for my entry into this weeks BSI contest. I was oh so excited to make my entry, I started on it as soon as I crossed the threshold of home. I made a spinach and crab quiche that I am going to call crabcake quiche because that is exactly what it tasted like.

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Crabcake Quiche

9 inch whole wheat frozen pie crust

3 eggs, divided

1/2 cup mayonnaise

2 tbsp white wheat flour

1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

2.5 oz pepper jack cheese, shredded

3 dashes nutmeg

1/2 cup green onions, chopped

1 cup fresh spinach, chopped

8 oz jumbo lump crabmeat, cooked and picked over for shells

salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350*. Lightly beat one egg white and brush the pie crust with it. In a large bowl, beat the remaining eggs,  leftover egg white and leftover yolk.  Add in the milk, mayonnaise, flour, nutmeg, salt and pepper and beat until smooth. Add in remaining ingredients except crab and mix well. Finally, add in the crab being careful not to break it up too much. Pour into the prepared pie shell and bake for 45 minutes until it is slightly golden brown and the middle is set.  Serve warm, room temp or cold for breakfast lunch or dinner.

Let me tell you people, this thing was so good. So good in fact that I felt like I could eat the whole thing and savory dishes rarely make me feel that way 😉 I had my slice with a little pile of rooster sauce to give it some serious heat

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and to keep from eating the whole thing, I had some carrot sticks and almond butter.

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Then for lunch dessert, I had three chocolate covered almonds.

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Once we ate lunch, we watched some of the DVR and then headed out for a run in the beautiful sunshine. It went much better than the last time I attempted running outdoors. The weather was much warmer so my lungs did not hurt as much but the hills still proved to be a big challenge. The dear husband was patient and walked with me each time I need to take a walk break. When all was said and done, we covered two miles and it felt good to be in the great outdoors. For an after run snack, I had a small bowl of greek yogurt topped with peaches and creamed honey. If you have never had creamed honey, my suggestion would to be to stop reading this and go buy some NOW.  Well, you can wait until you have finished reading but really, you should get some ASAP 😀 As the name suggests, it is much creamier than regular honey and it leaves my mouth really happy.

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Once we were done with snack time and showers, we headed out to Costco to purchase a few items and then headed to dinner at our friends, Sarah and FJ’s, house. Sarah had prepared quite the spread. We started out with mozzarella wrapped in roasted vegetables and perfectly salty black olives.

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For the main course, we started with warm yeast rolls topped with rosemary and sea salt

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followed by lasagna rolls with pine nuts

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white beans with caramelized onions and walnuts

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and THE BEST spinach I have ever eaten. In the spinach was basil, garlic and red pepper. I had never thought to add basil to fresh cooked spinach but I will from here on out.

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All of the food was fantastic, my friend Sarah likes to spend crazy amounts of hours in the kitchen and her passion for cooking really shines in everything she makes. For dessert, she made poached pears topped with vanilla ice cream and candied pecans. This was my first time having poached pears and I must say, I really liked them. I was nervous that they would taste like the red wine they were poached in but to my delight, they didn’t. They were perfectly sweet with a hint of spice from the cinnamon and nutmeg. yum!

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I can’t wait until we are invited over again 🙂

Question: What is your idea of the perfect way to spend a day?

Sushi Thursday

Yesterday started with yet another bowl of quaker oat squares mixed with Trader Joe’s High Fiber Cereal. I topped the bowl off with dried blueberries, ground flax seed and milk. Maybe one day I will get a little more adventurous with my morning bowl 🙂

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About mid morning, I felt a little hungrier than usual so I snacked on this lovely orange.

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Breakfast may have been dull but lunch was very exciting, at least to me! T and I decided to start up our weekly sushi run again despite it being the slow season for golf. During the season, we have lots of errands to run which makes sushi runs much easier. Now days, we rarely have to go anywhere and with civilization a 15 minute drive away, sushi isn’t the most convenient lunch. But we both love it so we are going to try to get out more for it. Yesterday, I chose a kryptonite roll, which is tuna, cukes, avocado, crunchy and spicy sauce, and a sweet potato roll. After the picture was taken, I added a little extra rooster sauce for some kick.

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I ended up working really late so our evening wasn’t very exciting. I made shrimp and veggie stir fry with brown rice for dinner

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and had a small bowl of chocolate coconut milk ice cream for dessert. I have said before that the vanilla is my favorite but last night I was starting to think that maybe my favorite is the chocolate. I guess I will just have to keep eating them until I am sure 🙂

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Question: Do you tend to eat the same things over and over again? I’d say that I do but I am also pretty adventurous when trying new foods to make for dinner. I do tend to eat the same breakfasts and lunches over and over again.

What A Day

Yesterday started out easy and ended up being what felt like the longest day in history! I started out with a bowl of Trader Joe’s High Fiber mixed with Quaker Oat Squares topped with dried blueberries, ground flax seed and milk. Yum. Yum. Yum. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

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Shortly after breakfast, things got a little hairy. I went downstairs to talk to The Chef about lunch when the F & B Director roped me into doing a coffee tasting. We tasted four varieties that left me zooming around unable to think straight. Kinda like a wine tasting but different 🙂 Finally, about an hour later than normal, I got lunch. At that point, I really didn’t care what it was so I chose the staff lunch. A tuna salad wrap with cheese

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and a few, like 5, homemade chips. MMmm….homemade chips.

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After lunch was when it all came tumbling down. In my caffeine craze, I made a pretty big work mistake. Assessing it now, I even think it is the biggest mistake I have ever made in this job. Trying to fix the mistake left me feeling frantic and on the brink of a panic attack. I finally settled down once I talked it out with The Pro. Thankfully, he is a good boss and was very understanding and helped me clearly see the correct solution.

I left work feeling edgy which is never good and to top it off, I had double therapy. Once with my therapist and group. My regular therapy session was very productive. We discussed a topic that I’m not ready to publicly talk about but I will say that it was good to get it out there and start the process of forgiveness. I am really on my path to healing.

After regular therapy, I met the dear husband at Moe’s for a quick dinner before group. I had a cheese quesadila with chips (that I didn’t eat)

there really is a quasadila under those chips

there really is a quasadila under those chips

and a pinto bean taco.

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Yum. It was all fantastic but I was still a little hungry when I left. Probably because my crazy afternoon caused me to miss my afternoon snack. Anyway, after we ate, I headed to group. This week, we discussed spirituality which is another loaded topic for me. A few books were suggested as reading material and I have already ordered them on Amazon.com. What I took most from the session is that I am not the only one that feels the way I do about religion/god/spirituality. I’m wondering if that could be another common denominator between those with ED. Anyway, we made spiritual vision boards and I took a picture of mine for you to see. What do you think?

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After I got home, I was still hungry so I had an orange.

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Eating the orange felt like a major step in the right direction for me. After an emotionally taxing day, I felt physical hunger and instead of taking that as an opportunity to hang out with ED, I ate and went to bed.

Shout Out, Shout Out, Shout Out

Before I get into the fab food I had yesterday, I want to give a couple of shouts outs! First, to my dear friend, Mara, over at What’s For Dinner for giving props to my new bead page, thanks Mara!  Next up on the shout out list is the lovely Heather at Hangry Pants, they are doing an almond butter giveaway so get on over there and get dibs!! And last, but certainly not least, is Brandi, she just posted the BSI ingredient for this week  and there are prizes involved so get on over there and submit your recipes!!

Ok, now that we have taken care of the general blog administration, we can talk about the food. I had a fantastic day of food! I started out with another bowl of All Bran Strawberry fields, but this time, in addition to the ground flax seed, I added a few dried blueberries! Now THAT is what I am talking about, so good!

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For lunch, I had The Chef make me a small salad to fill my veggie slots for the day

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along with a bowl of black bean soup topped with cheese and sour cream. I pulled the soup out of the freezer which is always good for a quick lunch.

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I had a really busy afternoon, so busy, I forgot to eat my snack. I was heading down the highway to meet the dear husband for an errand when my stomach was rebelling against my bad memory. I searched my bags only to find that my bar stash was wiped clean. I called the dear husband to see what he had in his stash and he didn’t have anything either. Luckily, one of the errands was right next to Panera so I stopped in and got a mango smoothie. It is normally just the fruity mix and ice so I had them add in a little vanilla yogurt for some staying power. The smoothie was good but it would be better in the summertime!

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After our errands, I was really cold and craving a warm sandwich so we stopped into one our favorite local spots to pick up grilled subs. We got them to go so that we could get home at a decent time. Mine was a vegetarian with lots of toppings. They put these really delicious sweet peppers on it with a really zesty Italian dressing. These things are killer!

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On the side, we shared an order of sweet potato fries. They were a little soggy from being in the to go bag but they were tasty none the less.

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We spent the evening watching a little tv and reading. I am a little behind on my group therapy book so I needed to catch up before tonight’s session!!

Best Fudge Brownies

Hello Bloggies!

I’m posting a little late today because I slept in BIG TIME. I guess my body needed some extra rest since I am still sick. The dear husband said he tried waking me up so I wouldn’t miss yoga and I said “uh-uh” and rolled back over. Alas, I missed yoga but honestly, I’m not feeling up to much.

So, here is a quick recap of yesterday.

I got to work a little late but still had breakfast there instead of at home. I had a repeat of Thursday since it one of my new favoritebreakfasts. A bowl of fiber one shredded wheat mixed withQuaker Oat Squares and topped off with ground flax seed, dried blueberries and milk.

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T and I had decided earlier in the week that we would do a sushi run for lunch. I had been craving a sweet potato roll since the last time I had one. I ordered the veg maki combo which included a vegan roll (cukes and avocado), sweet potato roll and futo maki. I ended up not eating the futo maki because it tasted a little like windex (EW!!).

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T also gave me a few pieces of her kryptonite roll which was supah good.

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Shortly after lunch, I got this beautiful suprise from the dear husband. The card said “Happy Friday”, isn’t that sweet??

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Though my lunch really filled me up, it left me hungry on a couple of hours later. It didn’t have much protein at all so I’m sure that is why. I dipped into my greek yogurt and berries about an hour earlier than usual because I didn’t want to be hungry for my after work grocery adventure.

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I went to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods when I left to stock up on some essentials. Once I was home, I baked a couple of butter bean burgers that I pulled from the freezer. We had them on a sandwich thin with ketchup and mustard, holy yum!

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On the side, we had steamed broccoli tossed with olive oil, garlic and sea kelp. I picked the sea kelp up from Whole Foods but am not sure if I like it enough. I am salt addict and it didn’t have that salt flavor that I love. It is packed with iodine so I think it may be best to use it in conjunction with sea salt.

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For dessert, I wanted to do a test run my “best fudge brownies” that I plan to make for Meghann’s  blogger bake sale to be held February 9th. I had to make sure my recipe wasn’t poison, of course :D.

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We had the brownies topped with a small scoop of coconut milk vanilla ice cream.

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This little dessert proved to NOT be poisonous at all 🙂 We went to bed shortly after because we are both sick and really just want to be better!!