After Much Thought…

I have decided to give up this blog and start fresh. I really enjoyed this blog and all of the wonderful friends I have made as a result of it. But in the end, my heart just wasn’t in the day to day account of my food habits anymore. I have so much work to do in that arena that the pressure really got to me. According to my blog stats, I lost a lot of readers when I joined weight watchers and that made me feel as if I had failed you guys somehow. It made me feel like I was making the wrong choice for the blog and, really, this is my life and I can’t make my decisions based on what my readers will think. I have to make my choices based on what I want out of life.

So, I hope that you all will join me over at my new blog, A Blog of Sorts, as I discover how to become the person that I want to be. I will still be around food blogland, as well, because there is no better food porn on earth than reading about what you guys are eating.

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Blog Break

Hi Everyone,

After a lot of thought, I have decided that I can’t post here for a while. My heart hasn’t been in it for a couple of weeks now and I am starting to be obsessed. The combination of blogging about what I eat, being on weight watchers and being accountable at weight watchers meetings is just too much for me. I need some time to really think about what it is that I want and I hope that a break will do that for me. I have such mixed emotion in doing this because I have met some truly wonderful people here. It just isn’t the right thing for me right now and I need to figure out what is.

Much Love,

Beadie

Another Binge

I started the day with chocolate cafe au lait again, for those who asked a cafe au lait is half coffee and half hot milk and I just add whatever flavoring I like. For the chocolate ones, I have been using TJ’s sipping chocolate which is much richer and less sweet than regular hot chocolate. Breakfast ended up taking much longer than I thought so I had a couple of hard boiled eggs to hold me over.

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My official breakfast was bulgur porridge made with milk and a dash of salt. I topped it off with a sprinkle of cinnamon and half of a banana. I didn’t like this as much as I had thought I would, I think I like bulgur in savory dishes much better.

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For a mid morning snack,  I had this little tangerine. Citrus fruit is really the only reason I like winter at all 🙂

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For lunch, I was trying to use up some leftovers so I had a piece of roasted chicken and some corn chowder. The corn chowder was NASTY so I only had a couple of bites.

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It went pretty downhill from there. A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I needed to try to “legalize” nutella, which in the intuitive eating world means to get rid of the “good” food and “bad” food mentality by making all foods legal. One of the ways to do this is to stock up on the foods that you consider bad and continue to remind yourself that you can have that food anytime you want. Well, for me, nutella has been the food that time after time, I end up binging anyway. And it happened again yesterday.

All weekend long, I had been thinking about Thanksgiving and how I needed to do my best to stay on track so that I could enjoy Thanksgiving without guilt. I developed a fever yesterday afternoon and was feeling pretty crappy. In my mind, I wanted a piece of bread with a nutella smear on it. Well, since I wasn’t feeling well, I didn’t feel like heating up any of my frozen bread so I hit the jar of nutella with a spoon instead. I grabbed a bag of crackers and plopped down on the couch. I had a couple of the crackers with the nutella and eventually put the crackers down and just ate right out of the jar with the spoon. I polished off about 2/3 of the jar before all of the sugar caught up with me.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch and when I woke up, I felt terrible guilt about what happened. I had all sorts of thoughts running through my mind. First and foremost, who can I give all of this nutella to, I still have three unopened jars. Secondly, what would have happened had I just pulled a roll out of the freezer, heated it up and had it with a little nutella smear, would I have been able to stop? Another thought was about how this binge wasn’t like any of the others. Yes, I did sit there very aware of the fact that I “shouldn’t” be eating the jar of nutella but it wasn’t fast and furious as they typically are. I wonder if I was feeling deprived because I kept thinking about Thanksgiving and how weight watchers allows for any foods but not in unlimited quantities. This binge was so different than any other, I really wonder why.

My excessive nutella intake caused me to not get hungry for dinner until very late. I had been cooking pinto beans all day in order to make bean burritos for dinner. So, when I felt even the slightest bit of hunger, we ate dinner. I had the beans that I turned into re-fried beans wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla topped with a sprinkle of cheese and salsa. I ended up not eating very much of it because I was only mildlyhungry when I started. I also had a huge glass of grape juice in hopes that it would fight off my fever, yet another anti  weight watchers maneuver. 

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Thought Provoker: Do you binge? What are your triggers?

Finaly Relax Time!

I slept in until 7 am yesterday, it was nice and I know my body really needed the rest.  Once I got up, I made myself a chocolate cafe au lait with TJ’s sipping chocolate. This was my best cafe au lait yet, the sipping chocolate is only mildly sweet and has a rich dark chocolate flavor. Mixed with milk and coffee and you have yourself a lovely morning treat.

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For breakfast, I was craving grits and eggs because I had been talking with my friend Brandi about them for the past couple of weeks. I ended up over cooking the eggs but they still tasted great. My mom used to make grits and eggs for us and then we would chop the eggs up and mix it all together. It looks disgusting but it tastes oh so good, this photo is before the chopping action :). To get a little fruit into my day, I had a tangerine on the side.

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For lunch, I made whole wheat couscous with Dr. Prager’s California veggie burger and TJ’s mango salsa. This was so good, I added a little extra chili sauce into the salsa to give it an extra kick.

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My lunch was pretty light on protein so I actually got hungry again pretty quickly. The dear husband and I were out and about so I settled on a latte from Starbucks. I left my camera at home but I think you guys know what they look like 🙂 The latte still didn’t do the trick and I found myself having a major craving for ham! It was an odd craving but I went with it. We still had to do the grocery shopping so I picked a ham for Thanksgiving and a ham for us.

Once I got home, I made an easy dinner. I heated up the ham, made sweet potato half moons and steamed asparagus. I spiced the sweet potatoes with salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder and a sprinkle of cumin. For the asparagus, I just drizzled it with a bit of olive oil once it was done. It was a nice this pre-Thanksgiving meal.

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A little after dinner, we decided to watch Baby Mama, it was OK in that stupid funny kind of way. While we watched, we munched on some popcorn. Then later for dessert, I had a vitamuffin.

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Thought Provoker: Are you looking forward to Thanksgiving? Do you have plans to cook, travel or both? I have plans to do both. We will be heading down to NC on Wednesday after work. I am planning to pack lots of foods to take with us to keep me on track though. I am cooking the ham and a dessert for Thanksgiving and really look forward to seeing all of my family.

Where Have I Been?

Hello all! Sorry I haven’t posted in a couple of days, I just haven’t been feeling very well at all and have had to work so I have been focusing my attention there. I made an appointment with a specialist about my sinus problems and I can’t take any allergy/sinus meds until the appointment so my sinus infection and allergies are in full force. I have been using my neti pot which helps but I am so ready to be over this!

Anyway, I was a good blogger and I photographed my food yesterday, so here it goes.

On my way to work, I had a cinnamon cafe au lait and then once I made it there, I had a banana. The Pro Shop was having issues with their drawer so that was the first thing on my docket and a bowl of cereal just doesn’t go well with that.

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Once I had the Pro Shop all sorted out, I went back to my office and had a bowl of shredded wheat with warmed milk. I think I liked it with the warm milk, it shredded wheat kind of separated and took on a softer texture.

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I had a hard boiled egg on the side for a little protein.

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All of my morning snacks and breakfast held me over for a really long time. I wasn’t ready for lunch until 12:30! I had a bowl of 16 bean soup

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and a chocolate pudding cup.

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I had a snack just before leaving of greek yogurt with thawed frozen raspberries and honey. I forgot to take a picture of it because I was in a hurry to leave. I had to go to Trader Joes after work to stock up on yogurt and cereals. They didn’t have any 0% yogurt that didn’t expire in a couple of days so I bought the European kind and plan to strain it myself.

Once I got home, the dear husband built a fire in the woodstove and I made dinner. I made Texas Trail Macaroni which is a yummy pasta dish that you can find on Heather’s site. It is one of my favorite fall/winter dishes. I topped it off with a little crumbled cheese and greek yogurt.

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On the side, I made kale chips. I think I am over kale chips for the time being, I have been making them too much lately.

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For dessert, I had a small bowl of cocoa pebbles with milk. We watched about 4 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 and then I went to bed. I have been so tired, I hope that I will be feeling well again soon.

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Thought Provoker: What are you favorite winter time comfort foods?

Not feeling well

Hey guys, sorry for the short post but the insomnia I have had is really catching up with me and I am not feeling well. On top of that, I have a big deadline at work today and I really need to spend my energy there. I hope to be feeling well enough to do a full post about yesterday later on today because it was a pretty interesting day that I would like to share. If not, I will do a full recap of yesterday and today on tomorrow’s post. See you soon…

Blog Awards and Side Effects

First off, I want to thank Foodie and Olga for giving me a blog award, that was so kind of both you! It always makes me feel good when people appreciate my blog. I often struggle to write what I really feel in fear of what my readers will think but you guys always honor me with your support. So, instead of picking 5 more blogs, I would just like to give a shout out to all my commenters and lurkers and let you all know that I think each and everyone of you deserve and award for being so supportive of me and my sporadic craziness.

Now, onto yesterday. I have to be upfront and honest when I say that the last few days have been a real struggle for me. The medication I am on for my most recent sinus infection along with being back on weight watchers is throwing me for a loop. I’m suffering a number of side effects from the medication including insomnia, fatigue, mild depression, extreme thirst and weird skin stuff. My doc says it is all normal and that I need to just keep chugging along with it. I have one more week of it to go and I’m not excited about my state of mind when it is over. On top of that, I am struggling every day to stay on track with weight watchers, it seems by the end of the day, I just want to give up. I’m not sure if this is part of the medicine side effects or if this is just how I roll.

I haven’t been straying from my plan or “blowing it” but the thoughts are there. This really scares me because I feel so certain that this time will be different. I want to change so much about the way that I think about food and my relationship with my body. I know that I will stumble and sometimes I might even fall but knowing to just keep going anyway is the hard part. I hope that all of these feeling of distress are just symptoms of this medication but I fear so much that I just don’t have what it takes. 😦

And, with all of that, this is how yesterday went. The alarm went off at 4:30, I said nope and went back to sleep. I finally got up and made it to work with a few minutes to spare. On my way, I had a chocolate cafe au lait to tide me over. Once there and settled, I had shredded wheat with cinnamon and milk along with a hard boiled egg. This was a very satisfying breakfast.

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In fact, it kept me going until 12:30! My normal lunch time is 11 so this was something. I wonder if it has to do with the egg versus the almonds?? Anyway, for lunch I heated up a bowl of 16 bean soup which tastes better every time I eat it.

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The soup was rather spicy so I had a package of figamagigs for dessert. Mmmm…boy, I really love these things. It is a REALLY good thing they come in tiny packages.

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Because lunch was so late, I wasn’t hungry enough for a snack so I just had dinner. I made a chicken pot pie with a polenta crust. This was my first time making it with a polenta crust and I have to say I really liked it. I want to play around with the filling part of the recipe that I used but I can tell that this will be a winter and fall favorite at my house.

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I had a bowl of cocoa pebbles for dessert. I didn’t photograph it because you guys have seen it for so many days now, I figured you get the picture 🙂 I headed to bed early in hopes of getting a better night sleep which did not happen, by the way. Boo on meds.

Thought Provoker: What is your motto for staying on track with healthy eating and exercise?