Sushi Thursday

Yesterday started with yet another bowl of quaker oat squares mixed with Trader Joe’s High Fiber Cereal. I topped the bowl off with dried blueberries, ground flax seed and milk. Maybe one day I will get a little more adventurous with my morning bowl 🙂

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About mid morning, I felt a little hungrier than usual so I snacked on this lovely orange.

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Breakfast may have been dull but lunch was very exciting, at least to me! T and I decided to start up our weekly sushi run again despite it being the slow season for golf. During the season, we have lots of errands to run which makes sushi runs much easier. Now days, we rarely have to go anywhere and with civilization a 15 minute drive away, sushi isn’t the most convenient lunch. But we both love it so we are going to try to get out more for it. Yesterday, I chose a kryptonite roll, which is tuna, cukes, avocado, crunchy and spicy sauce, and a sweet potato roll. After the picture was taken, I added a little extra rooster sauce for some kick.

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I ended up working really late so our evening wasn’t very exciting. I made shrimp and veggie stir fry with brown rice for dinner

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and had a small bowl of chocolate coconut milk ice cream for dessert. I have said before that the vanilla is my favorite but last night I was starting to think that maybe my favorite is the chocolate. I guess I will just have to keep eating them until I am sure 🙂

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Question: Do you tend to eat the same things over and over again? I’d say that I do but I am also pretty adventurous when trying new foods to make for dinner. I do tend to eat the same breakfasts and lunches over and over again.

Best Fudge Brownies

Hello Bloggies!

I’m posting a little late today because I slept in BIG TIME. I guess my body needed some extra rest since I am still sick. The dear husband said he tried waking me up so I wouldn’t miss yoga and I said “uh-uh” and rolled back over. Alas, I missed yoga but honestly, I’m not feeling up to much.

So, here is a quick recap of yesterday.

I got to work a little late but still had breakfast there instead of at home. I had a repeat of Thursday since it one of my new favoritebreakfasts. A bowl of fiber one shredded wheat mixed withQuaker Oat Squares and topped off with ground flax seed, dried blueberries and milk.

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T and I had decided earlier in the week that we would do a sushi run for lunch. I had been craving a sweet potato roll since the last time I had one. I ordered the veg maki combo which included a vegan roll (cukes and avocado), sweet potato roll and futo maki. I ended up not eating the futo maki because it tasted a little like windex (EW!!).

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T also gave me a few pieces of her kryptonite roll which was supah good.

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Shortly after lunch, I got this beautiful suprise from the dear husband. The card said “Happy Friday”, isn’t that sweet??

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Though my lunch really filled me up, it left me hungry on a couple of hours later. It didn’t have much protein at all so I’m sure that is why. I dipped into my greek yogurt and berries about an hour earlier than usual because I didn’t want to be hungry for my after work grocery adventure.

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I went to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods when I left to stock up on some essentials. Once I was home, I baked a couple of butter bean burgers that I pulled from the freezer. We had them on a sandwich thin with ketchup and mustard, holy yum!

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On the side, we had steamed broccoli tossed with olive oil, garlic and sea kelp. I picked the sea kelp up from Whole Foods but am not sure if I like it enough. I am salt addict and it didn’t have that salt flavor that I love. It is packed with iodine so I think it may be best to use it in conjunction with sea salt.

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For dessert, I wanted to do a test run my “best fudge brownies” that I plan to make for Meghann’s  blogger bake sale to be held February 9th. I had to make sure my recipe wasn’t poison, of course :D.

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We had the brownies topped with a small scoop of coconut milk vanilla ice cream.

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This little dessert proved to NOT be poisonous at all 🙂 We went to bed shortly after because we are both sick and really just want to be better!!

Hunger as a Metaphor

Ah. Normal Blogging Behavior, I’m so glad to be back. I am still pretty sick but am doing well enough to function. A couple of days ago, it took all I had to make myself a glass of juice and now, I am back into my normal routine. I really do believe that being sick is my bodies way of telling me that my down time was needed…right now. I plan to take it pretty easy the next few days so that I can be full force pretty soon.

Now, onto yesterday. I went to work late due to reports of ice on the roads so I decided to have breakfast at home. My appetite has been really off for a couple of days now and what I wanted was kinda strange. I had a chocolate vitatop with a peanut butter smear

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and a glass of grape juice.

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Not a normal breakfast by any means but it did the job and I made it all the way to lunch without feeling hungry. Around 11, I was feeling hungry so I had the chef make me a salad with ranch dressing on the side. I normally just do oil and vinegar but for some reason, I wanted ranch. I ended up eating about 5 bites of the salad before I had enough.

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I also had a boca spicy “chicken”  patty on a sandwich thin with blue cheese dressing.  This was my first time EVER cooking these things in the microwave an I must say, I don’t recommend it. It was really chewy and hard, once again, I didn’t eat all of it.

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I had a really busy afternoon and didn’t have time for my usual snack before therapy so I had a chocolate coconut chew larabar in the car. Once I got there, we talked about my mayonnaise jar, being sick and the exciting news that since starting Body Pump, I have lost inches off of my waist and hips. I had talked with Brandi about taking measurements and I am so glad I did. Even when the scale stays in the same spot, it IS nice to see the inches falling off. It is also nice to see muscles developing in my arms and legs.

After a relatively light conversation with my therapist, time was up and I had a date with the dear husband at Ukrops. I had group so we had to do something really quick for dinner and Ukrop’s is less than a mile from the therapy office. Somehow, I temporarily lost my camera and didn’t get to photograph what I had but for the record, I had half of a dynomyte roll, half of a veggie roll and a few bites of strawberry salad with whipped cream. I also had a few sips of this vitamin water that I took a picture of once I found my camera.

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After dinner, I made my way to group. We went through the session and I sat there thinking that it wasn’t doing anything for me the way past sessions had. We were focusing on Chapter 5 and 6 from Eating in the Light of the Moon by Dr. Annita Johnston.  We went through a guided meditation that led us through the sensations, the colors and the voice of hunger. Then, we were to draw what we visualized and, of course, discuss it with the group. I drew my stomach with faint signals, then louder signals and then screams. The screams were the words now now now and it was then I realized that my hunger IS a metaphor as the book suggests.

We had much discussion about what our emotional hunger is asking us for and then a discussion about Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. I realized that the second level of needs, safety, is a need in my life that was never met until I met the dear husband. Security is a feeling I have longed for since my first memory. No wonder I bounce around trying to fill all these voids with tons of friends, new “identities” and food. The session came to a close and all of a sudden I had an overwhelming sense that I needed to cry. I could feel the emotion welling up just under my eyes. I wanted to burst into tears so I said to the group “Am I the only one that wants to burst into tears?”. A couple of the women agreed that they felt it too and I told them that if I felt that way at home, I would be binging in a matter of moments.

That overwhelming feels that I can’t identify comes over me often and last night I realized what it is. Well, not exactly what it is but I can put my finger on the feeling. The feeling is fear. I could list for you the reasons that I think I am a disordered eater and some of those things are really scary to think about. But, I have identified that those things happened to me and I have been doing the work needed to deal with them. This is where the fear comes in.

I have very few memories of childhood; I can count on one hand how many I have. The fear is that if the things that I DO remember are so terrible, what is it that I am not remembering. What am I pushing so far down with food that I can’t even recognize it? This leads to such strong mixed emotions. Do I really want to remember it all? Maybe it is really nothing. I already feel immense guilt for being “screwed up” and that I should just suck it up and get over it. Or like one group member put it, a shitty childhood is just a cop out.  The fear of adding something else to that list leads me through life with a nutella spoon in my mouth.

So, it started out pretty lame-o and ended up being the most intense session yet. I feel like I am at a turning point now, like life as I know it is about to change. It is going to take some time and some intense therapy to get to the bottom of that fear but I will get there.

The Weekend Is Here!

As per usual, I started the day with a cafe au lait on my way into work. For breakfast, I had a repeat of thursday. A bowl of multi-grain Cheerios topped with flax seed, dried blueberries and milk.

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We had a late lunch planned so I snacked on some red pepper chunks with natural PB. MMMM….goood!

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We had a v. special lunch because it was K’s last day. At my job, I am one of three women that work there and with K leaving, it is down to just two. We are really going to miss her. K is the kind of girl that if you didn’t love her so much, you would totally hate her. For our lunch, I picked up sushi for T, K and myself. I had the vegetable maki combo with had three small rolls. One was a sweet potato roll, one was a vegan roll and one was a futomaki. All of them were delicious but I thoroughly enjoyed the sweet potato roll!

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After our lunch, we had a twizzler party. We gave K about 6lbs of them because she loves them so. We tried all the flavors, lemon was my favorite. I didn’t take any pictures because it just didn’t feel like the right thing at the time. I was on a major sugar high the rest of the afternoon and finally came cashing down when it was time to go home.

Once I got home, I made a quick dinner to warm us up from the cold. I heated up some TJ’s butternut squash and apple soup with a dollop of greek yogurt

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and grilled cheese on sandwich thins.

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I didn’t really like the soup at all, I guess sweet soup isn’t my thing. I ended up eating only the grilled cheese and half of one of the sandwiches I made for the dear husband.  I really fought off the munchies that I am sure was a result of all of that afternoon sugar. We watched a little DVR and then went to bed. The house was so cold because our heat pump is having a hard time keeping up but I always sleep best when it is cold!

What is your favorite meal when it is cold outside?

Warmin’ Up

According to my Ayurveda, a kaphas ideal time to eat breakfast is between 8 and 9 am though they should wake up before sunrise. I believe this is to ensure one does not feel weighed down. A Kaphas tendency is to be heavy and feel weighed down (uh…yeah) so lighter foods and less frequent eating helps combat that. I do worry about my blood sugar and will certainly eat whenever my body dictates but thus far, it seems to be working for me. And overall, I must say, I am feeling better. I feel much happier and everything doesn’t feel like a drag to me.

And with all of that, I ate breakfast at work, again, yesterday. I had barley with chopped apple, cinnamon and nutmeg. I warmed it up in the microwave until the apples were soft and then mixed in some cottage cheese. Hmm, this mixture I did not like so much. I guess I am not a fan of warm cottage cheese.

A couple of hours later, I had a few kashi crackers with sliced ham and a few prunes. This light little meal kept me going for a really long time!

T went out around noon and said she would pick up lunch and ended up not coming back until 2! I sipped on warm tea and felt fine. When she did return, she had a shrimp tempura roll for me. It wasn’t from our regular place and it really wasn’t as good either. They put a spicy mayo on top and the mayo actually tasted like miracle whip. And as some of you know, I am a pure bred southern girl and in my opinion mayo comes in a yellow labeled jar, Duke’s. There is no other kind unless you make it yourself so when a mayo isn’t Duke’s, I can usually pick it out. So, the sushi was a bit on the disappointing side. Lesson learned.

Lunch was so late, that I didn’t need an afternoon snack. Once I got home, I was hungry and I was excited about dinner. I made pinto bean burgers and roasted Brussels sprouts. I have been working for years, literally to perfect my bean burger recipe and yesterday’s version was pretty darn close. Here is how I made them:

Bean Burgers

1 can of beans, drained and rinsed until bubbles are gone

1/4 cup stuffing mix, crushed but still chunky

1/4 cup corn meal

1/4 cup salsa

1 tbsp mayo (Duke’s ;))

salt, pepper, chili powder, cumin

olive oil for sauteing

Instructions

In a large bowl, mash the beans until only a quarter of them are still whole. Stir in the rest of the ingredients and season with salt, pepper, chili powder and a pinch of cumin. The mixture should still feel wet but firm enough to form into patties. Shape the mixture into four small patties or two large ones and place on a parchment lined plate. Place in the freezer for at least 15 minutes until they feel more firm. Remove from freezer and put into an oiled skillet over medium heat. Saute on each side until very well browned.

After dinner, I made a batch of vitamuffins with extra peanut butter and chocolate chips. I ate mine warm and it was SO good!

Thought Provoker: What foods are you a purist about? Is there a food that you only a certain version of?

Working For a Living

Yesterday, I woke up and hit the treadmill at 5:00 am. I’m not real sure what compelled me to do it, but I did it. After sweating it out for 30 minutes, I had a quick breakfast. I made a bowl of shredded wheat n bran with banana, walnuts and milk. And once again, I remembered the cinnamon after the photo!

Work was really slow which makes the day drip by. I’d much rather I be slamming busy that slow. Around 10:00, I had a little container of leftover kale and a roast beef and havarty roll up. Not sure what happened to my pic of the roll up.

I had some errands to run for work so I picked up sushi for T and I. I got my new favorite shirmp tempura roll with brown rice. I ended up eating the whole roll though 2/3 was probably enough.

Shortly after lunch, I had two tiny cookies. This was a new item I had never seen before and it seemed interesting. Immaculate Baking Company Sweet Georgia Brownie. These were crispy with loads of chocolate flavor. Though I was in the mood for chewy, these knocked out my sweet tooth without a problem.

I had a therapy appointment after work which I had been dreading since she suggested medication last week. On the way, I stopped by Starbucks and picked up one of the new signature hot chocolates. I forgot to snap a photo but at this point, I’m sure you know what the cup looks like 🙂 The hot chocolate was OK, it tasted very much like the mocha latte without the espresso. I’m not sure that I would buy it again as I prefer creamy hot cocoa.

Therapy was hard. We talked alot about medication and how her suggesting it made me feel. To be honest, it made me think I must be crazy if meds will fix my problems. We ended up deciding to start with light therapy to help with my SAD and exercise to include 30 minutes of cardio everyday along with a few days per week of yoga to help with my general anxiety and depression. I guess what scares me about this is that when I feel depressed, I don’t have any motivation to do the things that I know make me feel better. I am going to try and make the effort but exercise has never been my strong suit.

We also discussed my career and my desire to change it. I recently decided that I want to pursue freelance writing while I write a book. For years, my dream was to write a book and for years I had convinced myself that it just wouldn’t happen for me. But with the help of my friend, Monica, my therapist and this blog, I realized that I am the only one that can make my dreams happen.  The problem is that, financially, my income is important and having a substantial savings is important.

I have to balance my desire with my need for a paycheck. I have a ton of research to do in order to make it happen but my desire to just jump in head first is so strong that it is making my day to day life at work miserable. I think the key is that I need to find a way to begin my pursuit while maintaining my “real” job. I have to be responsible, especially in these economic times. This thought continued to depress me after my therapy session was over.

Once home, I stewed for a while before realizing I was hungry, my head was pounding and I wanted to sleep.  made a very fast dinner of grilled ham and cheese. It was not gourmet, but it was my means to an end.

QOTD: Are you living your dream? If not, what is it and what steps are you taking to make it happen?

My Favorite Things

Yesterday, I woke up at the ripe old age of 32, a birthday that I had not been looking forward to. I started out the day with french toast with agave and goat cheese scrambled eggs. For the toast, I used a couple slices of 9 grain local bread, half and half, eggs, vanilla bean paste and, of course, a pinch of salt. It was a delightful birthday breakfast.

Just before heading out for the day, my blood sugar felt low so I had a couple slices of roast beef and a piece of havarty cheese.

That really stabilized my blood sugar and kept me tied over for a couple of hours. We walked around Carytown for a bit and once we were hungry, we ate lunch at Ginger Thai, one of my favorite Thai places. Since I knew that I was going to be eating all day, we skipped appetizers and soup and went right for the main dish. I got what I always gets, spicy noodles of the drunk with tofu. Yum!

After lunch, we walked around a little more and then stopped into The Baker’s Crust for a chocolate filled croissant. It ended up being very dry an not what my heart desired so after a couple of bites, I threw it out. When we were on our honeymoon in Hawaii, I had the best chocolate filled croissant in the world and have been in search of that perfection ever since.

By mid afternoon, we were pretty wiped out and still had evening plans so we stopped by starbucks for a pic me up, I got a grande vanilla latte. It was just what I needed to get me through the day. Shortly after, we met up with our friends, Sarah and FJ, and the in laws. We met at a local sushi and hibachi place that I can not remember the name of! The dear husband and I shared four rolls, I probably ate one roll worth as they were huge! Here is an action shot from the hibachi that the dear husbands family ordered.

A birthday would not be complete without cake and ice cream so we headed over to Cold Stone. I got birthday cake batter ice cream with vanilla cake chunks and fudge. It was the perfect way to end my Birthday.

QOTD: Do you have any birhday traditions? What do you like to do on your Birthday?