Whoa. Did I ever oversleep yesterday. I grabbed my coffee and got ready as fast as I could. I ended up getting to work about 10 minutes late but, besides The Pro, I am the first one there anyway, so it didn’t really matter. I was super excited about my breakfast. I talked with Lee about her overnight oats so I gave it a try. I used Bob’s Red Mill Muesli and milk and put that in the fridge overnight. Once I was at work, I popped it into the microwave for a couple of minutes and I had perfect oatmeal without any oatmeal explosions. I topped it off with mixed berries, flax seed and a PB spoon.
Lunch was an unexpected treat. T offered to go pick up sushi from a new place. I jumped all over that one and from her recommendation, I ordered a Happy Roll
and a sweet potato roll.
The happy roll made me very happy indeed. It was tuna, avocado, spicy sauce and crunchies. The sweet potato roll was a little undercooked but it was still tasty. I think this place will be our new fav because it is much cheaper and we both really enjoyed the happy roll. The afternoon was productive and when 3:30 rolled around, I hit the door running. I got home and felt a little hungry so I had a few grapes to hold me over.
For dinner, I made eggs in purgatory again. I overcooked them again but we did enjoy them a little more because I served them over creamy polenta instead of brown rice.
On the side, we had garlicy green and yellow beans with an olive oil drizzle.
After dinner, I made my way to group therapy. This week, we focused on chapter 7, Feelings, in Eating in the Light of the Moon by Dr. Anita Johnston. What a loaded topic this was. I, along with everyone else in the class, felt really uncomfortable with this topic. Avoiding my feelings is what I have done my whole life, how am I supposed to all of a sudden start feeling them now? I even avoid feeling happy by sabataging myself with guilt and anxiety. It feels easier to just feel depressed, anxious or sad than to explore the array of other emotions. Obviously, that isn’t working too well for me but it was really hard to be told to intellectually just feel.
We all agreed at the end of the session that we felt worse than when we walked in. Why is it that just talking about trying to feel is hard? I think it is because I have so many unreconciled emotions that I’n not ready to feel my present life. Or maybe, it is easier to feel anger at my boss for a tiny little thing than to actually feel all of the anger I have stuffed down with food. Ah, a loaded topic, I tell you.
When we left, I was able to connect with a couple of the ladies in the group and it felt nice to talk about ED with a real live person as a friend instead of as a client. I’m surrounded by people that I view as normal eaters and it kills me that I am the screwed up one. Having someone relate felt so good, I hope that we can expand these conversations and become better friends.
By the time I got home, I was ready for bed. I fell asleep quickly which I think is a good sign that even though this is hard, it is good.
I can tell you what I am feeling right now, I feel that you all should get on over to Mara’s blog to enter her 100th post giveaway, I assure you, you want to win this one. And don’t forget, time is running out to enter my Country Bob’s All Purpose Sauce giveaway!