Peace and Love, My Friends

Thank you to everyone who read and commented yesterday. It is so hard for me to be open and honest about the things that really go on but I know that the only way to recovery is to express myself. I am thankful to have such a strong and courageous group of people to help me through the hard times. I started my blog to help aid in my recovery and little did I know it would become one of my most important tools. Thanks for reading and sticking with me through the hard times, it means so much to me. {{{BIG HUGS}}}

Yesterday was a little easier than Wednesday but I still had a few episodes of overwhelming emotion. I didn’t get up in time to work out because I had cry baby head and it was pounding. I got up around 6 to get ready for work and made a big cup of coffee. Once I was ready, I heated up a bowl of overnight oat bran, which, by the way, is my new favorite food. In a bowl, I added 1/3 cup oat bran, 1 cup milk and a pinch of salt; I let it sit in the fridge overnight. I popped it in the microwave for about 4 minutes, added a little extra water, ground flax seed, a chopped banana and, of course, a cashew macadamia nut butter spoon. Good to the very last drop, be prepared to see ALOT of this fabulous health food in the future.

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For lunch, I was feeling the need for a little comfort food and T seemed to be reading my mind. We split a grilled cheese and tomato on wheat sandwich

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and a bowl of Amy’s tomato soup I brought from home.

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On the side, I had The Chef made me a salad that I topped with rice vinegar and olive oil.

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A few hours later, my stomach was growling pretty intensely so I had some greek yogurt with mixed berries. I was so focused on the fact that I only had a fork at my desk to eat it with that I forgot to snap a picture. I eat it so often, I am sure you guys know what it looks like ūüôā

When I got home, I made dinner for the dear husband and I. I sauteed a couple of Quorn cutlets and topped them with homemade marinara sauce and served it over 100% whole wheat spinach pasta. For garnish and a punch of flavor, I added a few parmesan cheese curls.

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On the side we had steamed broccoli with garlic and and olive oil drizzle.

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For dessert, I had a square of frozen tiger butter. So good, perfect way to end a meal!

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Don’t forget, only a few more days to email me your BSI recipes!

Question: Do you have a food blog? Why did you start it? If you don’t, why do you read?

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My Brother’s Song

I hope that you will continue to read this post even after I tell you that it isn’t about food, exercise or yoga. Yesterday was the hardest day I have ever lived except the day that I found out my younger brother had passed. What started out as a blessing turned into a fight with ED. My brother came to me in a dream just before it was time for me to wake up. He was helping me with something, what, I no longer really remember. I woke up from the dream, looked at the clock and realized that if I skipped my am workout, I could maybe, just possibly have a few more moments with my brother.

For the next hour, I laid there, tossing and turning and not going back to a place that my brother is alive and well. I forced myself out of bed and went through the motions of my day. At work, I was ravaged with emotion. Work things were crazy as well as my heart was aching. I longed to talk to my mother, I knew she would understand. I emailed with my friends, I even reached out to my new group friends. I just wanted my pain to stop. I wanted ED to stop telling me that chocolate would fix it all, that stuffing it down would make it feel better.

After a painful and not very productive day, I left work and called my mom. I told her about the dream and she told me that she thinks it is good that we dream of him. With that, we tunred to our favorite subject, food. I guess it is just hard for us to talk about the most painful part of our life. Though, Ithink this converstation was a step in the right direction.

Moments after we hung up the phone, the song I refer to as “my brothers song” came on the radio. The name of the song is “I can only imagine” by Mercy Me and it was sang at my brothers funeral. I will never listen to that song without thinking of him and weeping. This time, I was sitting at a red light and I closed my eyes. The tears came gushing out. I was bawling, I didn’t regard the others sitting in traffic around me, I just cried. Then, it dawned on me that I had to drive, I had to be alert for the light to turn green. I just wanted to be in the parking lot of my destiation only¬†few hundred feet¬†¬†away.¬† I sang the lirics with all of my heart and finally, when my parking spot arrived, I closed my eyes and tears began to flow even more freely.

The song came to an end and I knew that my brother was with me. He wanted me to know that he stands by me and is proud of me and the steps that I am taking in my life. I walked into Ukrops to meet my dear husband feeling so overwhelmed by emotion that I had that floating feeling that means a binge is just around the corner. I approached the salad bar and the first thing I saw was banana pudding. It was my brother again, he was reminding me that he was there. I was repeating to my self over and over ED is knocking but I won’t let him in.

I filled a very large salad container with all the things I love but never “allow” myself to eat in larger quatities than a bite or two. I filled the whole container and I remember wondering what the cashier was thinking when I took all of that food up there. I sat down at a table and once the dear husband arrived, I started to eat. ED was knocking so loud and I finally let him in. I reminded myself that through this recovery process, sometimes I will still need ED. Leaning on ED doesn’t mean that I won’t one day heal from this. It doesn’t make me bad.

Once there was not more food to eat, I stopped. I felt stuffed to the gills. I wanted to vomit. Alas, I had to go to group therapy. I think the binge was the only thing that got me there, really. I’m glad I went because it was good to be in a room of people that understood what it feels like to be so overcome that food is the only answer.

I came home and listened to my brothers song and cried until there were no more tears to cry. I know he is in my heart and hopefully he will come back and visit me in my dreams again soon. Until then, I hope he knows I’m doing the best that I can and that I miss him so much.

I’m Sending Bob Your Way…

I was up at 5 ,yesterday, and on my treadmill by 5:10; I walked 30 minutes and then did 30 minutes of vinyasa. I flowed through a few sun salutation and spent A LOT of time in pigeon. I also worked on crow, dolphin, side plank and shoulder stand. I felt strong and proud in side plank because I was actually able to hold it longer than a couple of seconds. That is the one thing I love so much about yoga, what once seems impossible one day becomes the norm.

After my workout and yoga, I got ready for work and then made breakfast. I wanted to change up my weekday routine so I decided to make grits and eggs. I never have grits and eggs during the week, boy, I am really liking my new work schedule!

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Work was much calmer, thankfully. Around 10:30, I was a little hungry so I had some grapes. I didn’t photograph them because I have been eating so many of them these days. For lunch, I started with a small salad made by the chef

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and then had a variation on the BBQ tempeh from Monday night. I had it with whole wheat couscous and more of Kath’s slaw. Yum! I liked this version better than the sando version!!

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For lunch dessert, I had a fruit plate from the staff lunch. I really enjoyed the melon the most!

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I was in the office alone most of the afternoon and worked hard to fight off hunger. I guess it had been a hungry day but I held out until 3:30. I had greek yogurt with mixed berries but I still felt hungry after ūüė¶

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Once I got home from work, I made pecan and cornmeal crusted wild flounder

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with a quick tartar sauce on the side. I used mayo, mustard, garlic, onion, dill pickle, pickle juice, cayenne and lemon. All to taste, of course

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For some good green veg, I made roasted Brussels sprouts. All together, this was a lovely meal.

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For dessert we had bowls of warm chocolate pudding…mmmm

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First thing this morning, I rounded up all the comments for my Country Bob’s conest, used random.org to generate a number and came up with Lee from For the Love of Peanut Butter! Congratulations, Lee, I will email you today!

Don’t forget to submit your BSI recipes to me by Sunday!

This Week’s BSI Ingredient IS…

I recently switched work schedules in order to accommodate my life a little better. I have always enjoyed AM workouts and with my desire to practice yoga daily, I wanted to be able to fit those things in before work. So, yesterday, I began and it felt great! I was up at 5 for a 30 minute treadmill session followed by 30 minutes of yoga. I flowed through sun salutations, a number of standing poses, balances and twists¬†before finally settling into pigeon and then shoulder stand. I ended with a short meditation; I really don’t think there is a better way to begin the day than this! It was fabulous!

My new schedule also allows me to eat breakfast at home which I truly missed. Yesterday, I made microwave banana oats with flax seed and a PB spoon.

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After breakfast, I headed into work for what would prove to be¬†a challenging day. Monday’s are normally pretty productive because the club is closed and the only people at work are The Pro, T and myself. And even so, it still seemed that if it could go wrong, it was. Lunch ended up being much later than I expected so I snacked on a few grapes to get me through.

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Lunch finally came around 1, this week, we chose Red Robin. The menu¬†isn’t very pescatarian friendly is you are looking for healthy, too. I settled on a salmon sandwich on whole grain bun without any of the spicy mayo sauce.

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On the side, I had a small salad with oil and vinegar. Overall, it was a good lunch but it wouldn’t be my first choice of eating establishments.

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Things sort of settled down in the afternoon just in time for a pre-gym snack; I had greek yogurt with mixed berries.

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With my new schedule, it is more convienent for the dear husband and I to meet at the gym after work, so that is just what we did. I had to wait about 10 minutes for him so I walked on the treadmill until he arrived. Once he was there, we headed upstairs to lift weights. We both did the full STRIVE circuit and the resistance machine circuit for a full body workout. By the end, my whole body felt like jelly so I knew I got in a good workout.

Once we were home, I munched on some grapes while I prepared dinner. I didn’t photograph them because they were the leftovers of the grapes I had before lunch. For dinner, I made BBQ tempeh sandwiches with Kath’s¬†BBQ slaw minus the pecans.

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On the side, I made skillet sweet potatoes.

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This dinner was fantastic! I ended up taking the bread off of mine because it was super messy and pretty impossible to eat without a fork. Thank goodness we weren’t on a first date ūüėČ For dessert, I had a Reese’s heart that we scored on clearance at Target.

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After some reading and TV, I realized I had checked my email in a long while so I went upstairs only to discover that I had won last week’s BSI contest! I was so thrilled! My entry for Orange Miso Tofu Stir Fry¬†won the prize but I did feel a twinge of guilt since I just took my favorite parts of a couple of recipes I found online and made my own. That is how some recipes are born, I suppose. Anyway, to top off my win, she also chose me as this weeks host of the BSI contest!

After some thought, I decided that I wanted this week’s ingredient to be kale!¬† This is for selfish purposes, of course, since kale is my favorite green! It is also versatile, accessible and of course, veg*n friendly. Here is what The World’s Healthiest Foods has to say:

Kale is a leafy green vegetable that belongs to the Brassicafamily, a group of vegetables including cabbage, collards and Brussels sprouts that have gained recent widespread attention due to their health-promoting, sulfur-containing phytonutrients. There are several varieties of kale known commonly as curly kale, ornamental kale and dinosaur kale, all of which differ in taste, texture and appearance. The scientific name for kale is Brassica oleracea.

Curly kale has ruffled leaves and a fibrous stalk and is usually deep green in color. It has a lively pungent flavor with delicious bitter peppery qualities.

Ornamental kale is a more recently cultivated species that is oftentimes referred to as salad savoy. Its leaves may either be green, white or purple and its stalks coalesce to form a loosely knit head. Ornamental kale has a more mellow flavor and tender texture.

Dinosaur kale is the common name for the kale variety known as Lacinato. It features dark blue-green leaves that have an embossed texture. It has a slightly sweeter and more delicate taste than curly kale.

Pretty good stats, I’d say! You can enter two ways:

  • Email the photo and recipe to whatiateyesterday [at] gmail.com
  • or email me the link to the recipe in your blog.

I will update this page with the links/recipes as I get them. The deadline to enter is midnight, Sunday February 22nd! The prize will be a pair of handmade earrings in your choice of colors using glass beads and/or semi precious stones and sterling silver, you can see a few examples of my work on my Beading Page.

And don’t forget, today is the last day to enter my Country Bob’s Giveaway, comment and link back before midnight tonight for your chance to win some of this fabulous sauce and a secret prize!

The following are entries for BSI: Kale!

Back on Track

With the truffles and hard week behind me, I was ready to get back on track with healthier eating yesterday. I think it is funny how it ebbs and flows for me. I go through phases of eating junk food and then realize that my body is actually craving fresh, whole foods. Kristin, my new friend from group, commented yesterday about straying from a meal plan being an indicator that something emotional is going on. I think in my case, that is exactly right. My physical body doesn’t crave crap food, my mind does. I feel so much¬† better when I eat healthy, whole foods that when I start to crave the junk foods, maybe it is time to access what is really going on. What is leading me down the path of feeding it instead of feeling it? I am excited at exploring this concept more.

So, with a new attitude, I started my day with blogging and a breakfast, I made grits and sunny side up eggs. 

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It was a good filling breakfast that held me over for a few hours while the dear husband and I got to work on my bead business. I am making exciting progress and am super excited to unveil one of my deepest passions. We stopped for lunch around 1, I made whole wheat couscous topped with a MSF tomato basil burger and marinara sauce  I had been simmering all morning. I added a little shaved parmesan cheese and lunch was born. This is one of my old go to meals from years ago, I must say, it was still as good as I remembered.

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For lunch dessert, we shared a bowl of grapes and then headed out for some bead business errands.

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While we were out, we picked up lattes; I ordered a decaf venti 3 pump vanilla latte. As you¬†may already know, I love starbucks vanilla lattes and aren’t something I’m willing to give up. Getting it with 3 pumps seemed like a happy compromise as it had a nice vanilla flavor and it wasn’t too sweet.

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Once our errands were done, I made my BSI submission for dinner. It was a recipe I came up after exploring lots of stir fry sauce recipes. The results were Orange Miso Tofu Stir Fry which I served over 100% whole wheat buckwheat noodles. Both the dear husband and I agreed that it was delicious!

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My camera cord is MIA but for the record, I had a square of Ashley’s tiger butter¬†for dessert and greek yogurt and a creamed honey spoon for a late snack. All in all, yesterday was a really good day. It restored faith in myself that I do know how to enjoy food without going overboard. And faith isn’t something that comes easy to this girl.

Question: How do you walk the line between what your body and your mind crave?

Truffle Love

Ah. Valentine’s Day. What a lovely day it was. Neither the dear husband or I are terribly romantic people but we had a really nice chocolate filled day, none the less. It all started with a bowl of greek yogurt topped with peaches, Trader Joe’s High Fiber Cereal and a creamed honey spoon.

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After breakfast and blogging, I realized I was late for yoga. I literally went to yoga with my hair sticking up in every direction imaginable. The dear husband even mentioned that I should at least brush it. Oh well, my fellow yogi’s love me just the way I am ūüėČ Since it was V-Day, we focused on opening the Heart Chakra. I decided to give myself a break and use props, do less hopping and jumping and to just take it easy in general. I also left my yoga towel at home by accident. Both of these things resulted in a not so great class. I felt frustrated all around.

I did find one particular part of the class enlightening, though. I mentally struggled throughout the whole class because one, I was slipping, sliding and squeaking the whole time and two, I kept telling myself to go easy on my self yet I seemed to be craving challenge. So, as we flowed from side angle to half moon, my back was to the rest of the class. I leaned into half moon feeling strong and stable. The rest of the class was chittering about it being hard and one girl said “oh, god we are rockin and rollin’ aren’t we”. I thought to myself that no, I wasn’t, I felt strong and balanced. It was then that¬† I realized that maybe it wasn’t the day for taking it easy.

I do think that sometimes, we have to go easy on ourselves and I had just come out of a tough week of poor eating, challenging therapy and stressful work. I thought it was the time to take it easy but maybe that is when I should really push myself. Not doing the best I could for most of the class left me feeling weak and unable to really open my heart. I was happy to be able to talk it all through with Candy, she reassured me that finding our own yoga is so personal and that each of the things that we discover just enable us to take our yoga higher. 

After class, I hurried home to spend the rest of the day with the dear husband. I had some grapes to tide me over until our V-Day lunch.

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And just as I was telling the dear husband that I was really hungry and not sure that I wanted to keep waiting for lunch, we got a knock on the door. Ashely, from Daily Goods¬†had sent me the tiger butter I won in Meghann’s¬† Bake sale.¬†

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What better way to hold me over than a fantastic piece of fudge! This fudge was everything my heart and the dear husbands heart desires, in fudge, at least.

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And look, we have tons of it!!

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We stuck it in the freezer because otherwise, it would all be gone by now. Out of sight, out of mind. Lately, I have been trying to have tiny amounts of sweets at the end of a meal to control my night time snacking and this will be perfect for that. Yum!

We finally made our way down to Carytown for our V-day afternoon of fun. We stopped into a few shops for some window shopping, got my engagement ring/wedding band¬†cleaned and then went for lunch. We went to Thai Diner Too which is probably my favorite. When we arrived, they brought us crispy vegetable spring rolls and said they “came with our lunch” and since we aren’t the type to pass of free thai food, we dove right in. It was yummy.

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Next up was vegetarian pot stickers. The were in a sweet coconut curry sauce and despite some heat, they were a little on the bland side.

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That was OK, because my entree more than made up for it. I got my favorite, Noodles of the Drunk with tofu. It was spicy, sweet and sour, just the way I like it.

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After lunch, we went to For the Love of Chocolate for truffles.

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And that is where the truffle love began. We still had truffles leftover from meeting Brandi, but that didn’t stop us ūüôā I had a little bite of each one, I enjoyed the hazelnut on the most.

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After our truffle fest, we did a little more window shopping and finally food shopping. I wrote out a meal plan for the week and we stocked up on everything we needed. It felt good to fill my cart with loads of veggies and whole foods. Once we got home and put away the groceries, I did a little blog reading and then made dinner. I heated up butter bean burgers from the freezer

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and made pan roasted kale on the side.

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After dinner, we decided to sent out Valentines day with a bang. So we shared the rest of the truffles from Brandi.

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And once again, the hazelnut one was my favorite but I did enjoy the “hunka hunka burning love” one, it tasted like a chocolate cinnamon roll! We then, of course, watched a romantic comedy to round out the day. We watched Something New which I can’t really tell you much about because I fell asleep ūüė¶

All in all, it was a great day spent with the dear husband,¬† besides all of the truffle love, it wasn’t that different than a normal Saturday. But, I don’t really see that as a good thing. It reassures me that our love in strong, constant and stable which is exactly what I want.

Friday Fun Day

This week has been the worst [health] food wise, I didn’t do any planning so my meals were all spur of the moment. I normally go into the week with a meal plan and food shop for everything I need. I think that being spontaneous can be fun when it comes to food but I think I thrive on having a plan. I’m hoping to get back on the planning wagon this weekend which will result in¬†cleaner eating.¬† Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed every bite of sushi and the foods you are about to see but I’m ready to move back towards moderation.

And with all that said, I’ll forge ahead with yesterday. I was running late so I had breakfast at work. I had The Chef make me a couple of scrambled eggs with cheese and fruit on the side.

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I had a multi grain sandwich thin so when I got back to my office I made a little sandwich.

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My wallet couldn’t afford sushi one more time, so I had staff lunch. Yesterday’s selection was vegetable pizza

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and salad.

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I had two slices of the pizza, probably equal in size to one normal piece. It was good but it was pretty spicy since it was loaded with jalapenos. It kept me full all afternoon and even held me through the event I was so excited about. I got to meet Brandi for the first time. We met via weightwatchers online and have remained friends even though I am no longer a weight watcher. In that time, we have had a couple of missed opportunities to meet and yesterday was finally our day. I also got to meet her husband, Nick.

We met at starbuck’s where we both got a passion fruit tea. This tea was really good! It caffeine free, sugar free and artificial sweetener free and it is tasty to boot!

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We shared nice easy conversation and she gave me this gorgeous box of truffles. I didn’t indulge till later ūüėČ

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They were only breezing through town so we couldn’t share a whole foody love meal but we still had fun. We already have plans to meet again for a hiking trip in the spring, I can’t wait!

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After my fun filled afternoon, I was hungry. I still had an errand to run for The Pro so by the time I got back to my side of the world, it was dinner time. I called the dear husband and asked what he wanted to do. We agreed to meet at the Italian hole close to our house. I started with a house salad

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and a breadstick.

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For the main course, I had seafood linguine. The sauce on the linguine was perfect, sometimes, they are too heavy and oil but this was light and brothy.

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After dinner, we came home and caught up on the DVR. We shared this little gem that Brandi had given us. It had a mild orange and rich dark chocolate flavor that was very pleasant. It was also hot! I mean, hot! It was kind of surprising, actually!

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Another reminder to¬†sign up for my country bob’s giveaway! All you have to do is comment on that post, link back to the contest and you are all set. If you don’t have a blog, comment and send me an email confirming that you don’t have a blog. I will also be including a very special surprise so be sure to sign up! The contest ends Tuesday, good luck!

Question: Do you thrive on food plans or flying by the seat of your pants? Do you spend alot of time planning your meals and shopping?