Figuring It Out

Thanks to all of your for your sweet words on yesterday’s post. It means so much to me to have the support of such a wonderful community of bloggers. Working on recovery from ED is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with with the exception of the loss of my brother. Probably because it encompasses so much. Not only do I have to deal with all of the things that have happened to me in my life, I have to learn to deal with everyday life, too. For so long, food has been my source for dealing and taking that away is a long hard process.

Yesterday was another long hard day but I seemed to making it through without using food. I made a cafe au lait for my ride to work and then had breakfast when I got there. It was another repeat but so good. I had greek yogurt topped with berries, granola and flax seed. The addition of the flax seed was wonderful, it gave it a nice nutty flavor.


For lunch, I had staff lunch because I wasn’t really in the mood for what I brought and rarely does staff lunch fall into the pescatarian category. It was poached salmon with mashed potatoes


and I got a salad on the side for some good green veg.


The salmon was really delicious, it was perfectly cooked and seasoned. For lunch dessert, I had two small squares of dark orange chocolate. So good!


For my afternoon snack, I had a nut and seed bar that I found on a recent trip to the grocer. It was pretty tasty, it wasn’t too sweet and the sunflower seed flavor really shined.


After work, I had therapy. I was really looking forward to the session because I had been in such a funk I really wanted to talk it out. My therapist wanted to dig deeper than “I’m in intense therapy and it sucks” and after some reflection we realized that my most recent funk has many layers and is the result from the lack of balance I have in my life right now. The downward spiral seemed to start with my crappy yoga class on Saturday followed by a really long list of things to accomplish over the weekend. Yoga is vital to my well being and I am truly dependent on it for my sanity. Down time is also crucial to me and lately, I haven’t had much of that. I have been very on the go with errands, work, the gym and therapy. And last but not least, I need some friend time. Life has been so crazy, I have only spent time with friends for quick workout classes and haven’t gotten any good quality time to just hang out and have a good time.

Balance is what I need. I’ve decided that I really need to re-evaluate how I am spending my time and prioritze the things that are most important to keeping me healthy. Hopefully, over the next couple of weeks, I can get everything that I need to done while finding the time to just be. I think two major adjustments needs to be made to accomplish this. I need to make some adjustments to my workout schedule and I need to realize that now is not the time in my life for long complex meal processes. While cooking is a beautiful form of meditation for me when it becomes stressful like it has been, then it is time to rethink things. So be prepared for more quick and easy meals as I search for balance.

Speaking of quick and easy :), I made a quick and easy dinner after therapy. Grilled cheese on sandwich thins with Amy’s Low in Sodium Tomato Bisque soup.  This is a meal that I just don’t seem to be tiring of this winter.


For dessert, I decided to test the waters with nutella. As most of you know by now, nutella is a major red light food for me. It is a food that I have tried “legalizing” in my life many times and have never really been successful. It always seems to trigger a binge for me. So, last night I had a small bowl of Stoneyfield Farms froyo with a nutella spoon on the side. No binging, no spoon directly moving from jar to mouth and no second thoughts about it. I just enjoyed it which is a major accomplishment for me.


Thought Provoker: What creates balance in your life?

16 Responses

  1. That breakfast looks like a berry cobbler!! So luscious.

    Glad you were able to eat the Nutella!!

  2. I agree, I was waiting for you to say pie! Yum:)
    Yoga really is what has given me a sense of balance to my life, and helps me reign in all my excessive tendencies and worries. Im so glad you accomplished the nutella spoon last night. Youcan always go back to the archives now for proof and inspiration 🙂 Congrats, and good luck!

  3. mm breakfast is beautiful, and lucky you with a salmon lunch at work! congrats on the nutella accomplishment!! nutella’s a good thing to be able to work into life here and there :-).

    eight hours of sleep at night creates balance for me. without it, i’m a mess!

  4. So glad yesterday was better for you. And rock on w/ the nutella. I seek balance in yoga and also reading. If I get into a good book it makes me calm and peaceful.

  5. Awesome job with the nutella – I haven’t bought it in a while.

    I don’t know that I always have balance figured out in my life, but I do know that I need some quiet time, some time for myself, and time with the husband. I don’t have many friends here that we hang out with, which I know i need to change, but it’s hard to find people my age that are married without kids – most the people my age are in college and not really in the same place we are, so it’s tough.

    I think focusing on balance is a good thing to do – for everyone!

  6. Glad to hear your day is going better & therapy went well!

    FJ & I have had the same grilled cheese w/Amy’s tomato countless times in this super cold, too!

    That Nutella looks so super yum! There is a new froyo place downtown. Verry Berry – it is soooooo tasty! We’ll have to go for some low-cal dessert & friend time!

  7. I just have to laugh at all of the exclamation points that I put in that last post. hehehe!

  8. That simple dinner looks divine!

    Way to go with the nutella! The only rason it’s even in my house is for the kids, so I have to hide behind something so that I don’t see it every time I open the cupboard or else I dive in with a spoon. That stuff is so GOOD! 🙂

    Have a great day!

  9. You sound like you are in a better place today for sure! Yoga is definitely helping me as well. It’s bringing about so many changes, in mind and body. I just love it! Sorry you had a crappy class on Saturday.

    A Nutella spoon – great idea. We DO NOT buy Nutella in our house, but maybe if I just allowed myself ONE spoon at a time, I’d be okay. I think I’m up for the challenge. 🙂

    As far as simple meals go, do you have a crockpot? They are the best and make things so easy!

  10. beadie-thanks for the kind words u left on my blog. i am *SUPER* happy that you took control of the Nutella-i know how triggering binge foods can be (i am now able to eat cereal in controlled portions, in HS i could not.) i struggled with binging for about 6 months, it was very hard and i had horrible and shameful thoughts. you put your experience into clear and insightful thoughts-i just want you to know that your an amazing woman and can overcome this hump. i know it is tough, but you have support & knowledge under your belt.

  11. hey girl i am glad you are back to your blog. i could really use the friend time myself so give a ring or email me.

    love ya

  12. your food always looks so good – especially that salmon. I miss fish 😦 Anywho, kudos to your introspection and trying to figure things out instead of becoming complacent. The two things I need to create balance are sleep and down time. If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m not as productive the next day. I also need time (not every day) where I do nothing and don’t feel obligated (by me or anyone else) to do anything. If I feel like I’m not going to get everything I want done and it causes me stress, I have to reorganize and re-prioritize so that I don’t go insane.

  13. I agree that while cooking is totally amazing and therapeutic, it takes up so much time – it’s hard to do it every day!
    For me, balance is time with Rob. He’s so chill and everything I’m not and I need that.

  14. Balance for me is ensuring that I make time for myself! 🙂

  15. so glad you legalised nutella! we are all rooting here for you for any more challenges! i am extatic you continued blogging here! you are an amazing insperation. you know i have struggled with 2 “demons” but mainly BED now, and you are so very insperational to me, you give me hope, knowing there is someone else out there that leaned how to only binge like once a month or less.

    balence comes to me doing yoga or seeing my dietition ar therapist

  16. Yay, glad you were able to enjoy the Nutella!

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