Working For a Living

Yesterday, I woke up and hit the treadmill at 5:00 am. I’m not real sure what compelled me to do it, but I did it. After sweating it out for 30 minutes, I had a quick breakfast. I made a bowl of shredded wheat n bran with banana, walnuts and milk. And once again, I remembered the cinnamon after the photo!

Work was really slow which makes the day drip by. I’d much rather I be slamming busy that slow. Around 10:00, I had a little container of leftover kale and a roast beef and havarty roll up. Not sure what happened to my pic of the roll up.

I had some errands to run for work so I picked up sushi for T and I. I got my new favorite shirmp tempura roll with brown rice. I ended up eating the whole roll though 2/3 was probably enough.

Shortly after lunch, I had two tiny cookies. This was a new item I had never seen before and it seemed interesting. Immaculate Baking Company Sweet Georgia Brownie. These were crispy with loads of chocolate flavor. Though I was in the mood for chewy, these knocked out my sweet tooth without a problem.

I had a therapy appointment after work which I had been dreading since she suggested medication last week. On the way, I stopped by Starbucks and picked up one of the new signature hot chocolates. I forgot to snap a photo but at this point, I’m sure you know what the cup looks like 🙂 The hot chocolate was OK, it tasted very much like the mocha latte without the espresso. I’m not sure that I would buy it again as I prefer creamy hot cocoa.

Therapy was hard. We talked alot about medication and how her suggesting it made me feel. To be honest, it made me think I must be crazy if meds will fix my problems. We ended up deciding to start with light therapy to help with my SAD and exercise to include 30 minutes of cardio everyday along with a few days per week of yoga to help with my general anxiety and depression. I guess what scares me about this is that when I feel depressed, I don’t have any motivation to do the things that I know make me feel better. I am going to try and make the effort but exercise has never been my strong suit.

We also discussed my career and my desire to change it. I recently decided that I want to pursue freelance writing while I write a book. For years, my dream was to write a book and for years I had convinced myself that it just wouldn’t happen for me. But with the help of my friend, Monica, my therapist and this blog, I realized that I am the only one that can make my dreams happen.  The problem is that, financially, my income is important and having a substantial savings is important.

I have to balance my desire with my need for a paycheck. I have a ton of research to do in order to make it happen but my desire to just jump in head first is so strong that it is making my day to day life at work miserable. I think the key is that I need to find a way to begin my pursuit while maintaining my “real” job. I have to be responsible, especially in these economic times. This thought continued to depress me after my therapy session was over.

Once home, I stewed for a while before realizing I was hungry, my head was pounding and I wanted to sleep.  made a very fast dinner of grilled ham and cheese. It was not gourmet, but it was my means to an end.

QOTD: Are you living your dream? If not, what is it and what steps are you taking to make it happen?

17 Responses

  1. What flavor did you get of the hot chocolate? I think I want to try the salted caramel. I’m not sure why, but anything that is “salted caramel” flavor, I must try.

  2. Love the breakfast, kale, cookies… yum!!

    Hang in there with therapy!!

    I’m definitely living the journey to GET to my “ultimate dream,” and am enjoying every moment of it 🙂

  3. Wow, writing a book sounds amazing. Just from your blog I think you are an amazing write and totally think you can do it!

    I’m def working on getting to my ultimate dream and my recent decision to take a job in FL was part of it. I’ve always wanted to study birds using GIS (computer program), doing the actual physical research and this job is it…it’s the epitamy of my dream job!

  4. 5am?! Wow..thats the middle of the night still for me.
    The grilled cheese looks SO good…very ooey, gooey!

  5. Darn! I hit the button before I was ready!

    My dream job is definitely NOT payroll. I always wanted to be an OR nurse, but the math required just stumped me. 😦

  6. Sounds like therapy was tense! Hang in there!

    I still have lots of dreams, but I have fulfilled my dream of having a job I love!

  7. It’s funny you should ask. Recently, an old classmate found me on facebook, and just based on my photos, she wrote “it looks like you have an ideal life” I wanted to write back “well..being a mom seems glamorous, but isn’t always easy” but then I thought…really…I’m VERY happy right now in my life. I love being a mom, and I enjoy health counseling, though I do struggle to find a balance of time between both jobs (and yes, being a full time mom is a job!) and taking care of myself AND keeping the house clean (okay, so the house isn’t so clean, something has to give, right?). But the answer is, no–life isn’t perfect (what is perfect?) but yes…right now…I’m living my dream. And I thank the clouds in the sky every day for it.

  8. The whole living-the-dream thing is a funny concept. So often, we THINK something is going to be a certain way, and even when you get there, it’s still…life. You have the perfect job, husband, house, weight, whatever, but you still catch colds and have to mop the floor and deal with your car. I really like what I’m doing now (working on a PhD, among other things) but it’s HARD. There are days I would give anything to do something else – anything else! Then I remind myself that I chose this because I wanted it…and then I feel guilty that I’m not happy all the time!

    Careers change as our lives changes. I think it’s really important to dream big and always work towards something, while still making those compromises that are necessary to everyday life.

    In this economy, a steady job is a blessing. Are there other ways you can pursue your writing? Obviously, the blog is a great creative outlet. Maybe you could do some longer pieces on body image or health issues. You’d have an audience! It’s hard to pursue your dream on the weekends and evenings when you’re tired from work, but there’s always time that you can carve out here and there. What about a writing workshop or a class? Just some ideas.

    That ham and cheese looks so tasty! The classics are always good.

  9. Way to work it on the treadmill girl!
    Meds are like WD-40 on a rusty screw. You can have all the right tools (therapy, yoga, love, etc) but if there’s still rust on the screw it’s gonna take a lot longer to move the screw. E-mail me if you want to discuss.
    I can honestly saw that yes, I’m living my dream. I never thought I’d say that!

  10. no… im def not living my dream. but i think youre right, sometimes you have to give up your desires for your needs…. hopefully one day my desires will come true! until then, im thankful to receive a paycheck!

  11. Have you seen this blog? Sally just quit her job to be a freelance writer. She can give you some good input to get this going.

    I’m a firm believer in throwing yourself head first into a dream. I think suffering through a job that stinks sucks out your soul. There’s no harm in investigating the possiblities.

    I know what you mean about meds–I’ve tried them before and it didn’t help. I felt like a zombie. However, there are some new meds out that may be more gentle on your system. I’m sure your doctor could tell you more. I think my problem is my bad attitude, and I don’t think they make pills for that. Other than chill pills. LOL.

  12. I love Erin’s WD-40 analogy and I second everything she said!

    Pursuing dreams is scary, but I think that you’re absolutely doing the right thing by evaluating your options.

  13. hmmm…….i am not living my dream. i would SO rather become a nutritionist then sit at BORING school for 7 hours a day. i think its important to do what i REALLY want in the first place, because once you do something you think you should, it can be very scary and hard to leave what is familiar.

    HEY! doesnt that sound like my problem!? i guess my answer can realte to more than just jobs! have an awsome weekend!

  14. I think it’s really hard to realize you want to make a career change and admirable that you’re really going to do it.

    I don’t know what I will be doing 5 or 10 years from now, but I know I love teaching and hated “lawyering.” But, I completely agree with Courtney S. “we THINK something is going to be a certain way, and even when you get there, it’s still…life. ” It’s true! I am so much happier now, but I still get sad, still get frustrated, still get angry, etc. because that’s life and it’s filled with great and not so great times. I think my “dream” is to be content and live somewhere in the middle, and yes, I am doing that. 😀

  15. oh! and i have a question. i know you have been eating smaller portions to get hungrier earlier, but as an estimate how much cereal, milk, and walnuts do you use. sorry for the question. no answer is nessary, i just have to stick my nose into everything.

  16. 5am?!? WHOA! that’s awesome! i’m SO not a morning person
    it’s funny, my dream has totally changed. i was totally set to climb the corporate ladder (i had an a few amazing job offers in college) and dropped it all when i met my husband. now, here i am in georgia, back at school and teaching aerobics. and i LOVE it. i have no clue what’s going to happen, or where the military is going to send us, but the unexpected is definitely exciting 😀

  17. Jordan, it was just the regular one not the caramel or the hazelnut one.

    Thanks Melissa, I really appreciate that!

    Lexi, I don’t measure but I would guess that it is about half of what the box calls a serving. For the walnuts, I just throw a small handful on, probably equals 5 walnut halves.

    And yes, 5am, if I want to get to work on time, that is when I have to get up. If I ever decide that I want to work out longer than 30, it will be 4:30!

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