Only Hungry for Chocolate

I started another day with fast oats except this time, I didn’t use so much banana. I used 1/4 cup oats, 1/2 cup milk and a dash of salt. I cooked it for 2 minutes, stirred and cooked for 2 more minutes. Once it was done, I topped with half a small banana, a smidge more milk and an almond butter spoon. I like it much better this way and what I like most is that I can multi task while it cooks and pack all of my mini meal supplies.

Work was slow and steady. For some reason, I didn’t get hungry for my second meal of the day until almost 11. I had a leftover spinach and feta chicken sausage

and a little roasted butternut squash. I ate it all cold but think next time I will heat it up a bit.

T had to run errands so she offered to pick up sushi. I got a shrimp tempura roll with brown rice and a veggie roll. I only ate about half of both as I still wasn’t all that hungry, so look for a repeat of this tomorrow!

A little after lunch, I had a raging sweet tooth and decided to have a little square of chocolate. It did the trick for the time being. Just before go time, I had some greek yogurt with granola and agave. I promise there is some yogurt and agave under that pile of granola!

I was still craving chocolate so I ended up eating what was left of my chocolate stash, not quite half a ritter bar. It made me feel sick, I felt like a kid at halloween. When I left work, I really felt like I was going to be sick but I made it to therapy without having to pull over.

I guess my therapy was coming back to me because my therapist saw that I was there very early and went ahead and called me back. I guess that makes up for her being very late last week. This time, the water works started right away. I had been having a real tough week and even though I was pinpointing some issues, I wasn’t kicking the depression or the anxiety. She really pulled some answers out of me and I realized that I have been harboring something that I haven’t really talked about.

On Saturday, I was verbally assaulted by a crazy drunk driver. It really scared me at the time and still today I have some pretty creeped out thoughts about it. It has really triggered my anxiety and depression. My therapist wants me to focus this week on “coming down” from my anxious episodes by doing things that make me feel better, namely exercise. She also suggested medication since this time of year is always tough for me because of the lack of sunshine and the anniversary of my brothers death.  I am thinking over the medication idea but will try to exercise more to see if it breaks my gray cloud.

Once home from therapy, the dear husband had lovingly prepared a frozen pizza for us. It was the Archers Farms brand with goat cheese, tomato and spinach. I wasn’t very hungry so I didn’t eat very much of it.

After dinner, we watched Oprah on the DVR. By the time that was over my stomach actually growled, I think for the first time all day. I had a bowl of hazelnut biscotti cereal with milk and then called it a night.

QOTD: Do you eat just before bed if you are actually hungry? I have never really been a believer that you shouldn’t eat before bed, I was always in the calories in calories out camp.


16 Responses

  1. Fast Oats + Roasted Butternut squash + Hazelnut Biscotti cereal = LOTS of deliciousness.

    Your therapy session sounds like it was quite powerful and emotional; and YIKES about that drunk driver!! Hang in there!!

    I usually finish eating about 2-4 hours before I go to bed, so that all of my food has a proper amount of time to fully digest overnight (so that I’m good and hungry for my breakfast in the morning, since I have to eat it quite early each day).

  2. Gosh, C, that’s scary.

  3. I’m glad to hear you are having more “break throughs” in therapy. Every little bit helps, right?
    I am guilty of having a snack about an hour before bed every night. This is a habit that was instilled in me as a child that I find very hard to break. Mind you, if I go to bed even a little hungry, I have a really bad sleep. It’s a catch 22 for me!

  4. I would have been in a total funk if that had happened to me. No wonder you have had some anxiousness! I am so sorry that you had to go through that.

    I definitely promote exercise instead of meds. This has worked for me too: Natural Calm (

    I always eat if I am hungry before bed, because I will wake up hungry at 1am if I don’t.

  5. i just posted about doing other things than resorting to drugs on my last post; best of luck to the both of us!

    and your pizza looks great!

  6. So sorry to hear about the assault issue. That’s terrible! I hope you’re doing ok…

    I agree with you on calories in, calories out. I think sometimes you need to give your body what it needs. I also can’t go to sleep starving, so I might have a bite of something to get the edge off.

  7. I’ve I’m really hungry, I’ll have something, but I’ll have it be pretty light otherwise I don’t sleep well. Lately I’ve been having a glass of chocolate soymilk. It does the trick!

  8. We tend to eat late (and not always on purpose!) so by the time I’ve made dinner, we’ve eaten, and my boyfriend has cleaned up, there’s not much time left to get hungry or have a snack. When I was growing up and even when I was single, I always ate early, but I like having a later dinner. But if you’re hungry, you should eat!

    I’m sorry about the scary encounter. It’s amazing how disturbing things like that can stay with you, especially if you’re a sensitive person to begin with. I definitely am and things like bother me for ages.

  9. Drunk drivers make me so mad. I am sorry to hear about your experience.

    If I’m really hungry, I’ll have something small before bed, but I don’t want to eat anything that will interfre with my desire to eat breakfast. 🙂

  10. That’s horrible! I’m so sorry. 😦 Glad you got to process.
    I eat before bed every night. It makes me feel better. I’m not usually hungry either, I just do it for fun.

  11. Why do people have to be such assholes? That would have really affected me too.
    I’m probably one of the few here that’s pro-medication. But only because I speak from personal experience – prozac saved my life! Sometimes it gets to be too overwhelming to heal and medication can lift the cloud a little bit so that all the non-medication stuff can be more effective. Just my 2 cents. It worked for me, but you’ll know what’s right for you.
    If I’m hungry enough before bed, I will eat something. Otherwise, I won’t be able to fall asleep cuz I’ll be thinking about food! Sometimes you gotta let the stomach call the shots 🙂

  12. Good luck with figuring out some good coping strategies for your depression and anxiety. Exercise is a win-win strategy…if it makes you feel better, it will only do good things for you. But if you end up deciding that medication would be a helpful tool for you, I hope that you feel no guilt about using it. Depression and anxiety are real medical conditions. As with all complex diseases, a healthy lifestyle can have a definite positive impact on anxiety and depression, but some people need medical intervention above and beyond that, and that is okay. All that matters is that you find something that your doctor approves and that you feel good about.

    Good for your husband for making dinner! That is exactly what husbands should do when their wives have had a rough day!

  13. I use to be so strict with my eating and timing and now I try not to feel guilty if I am listening to my body… I am really trying to make it a goal to eat for hunger not just cause I am use to have a nighttime treat!

  14. Wow, I am so very sorry to hear about your incident with a drunk driver over the weekend. That is just wrong and nobody deserves to be treated with such disrespect by someone who clearly has no disregard for people’s livelihood. I really am glad to hear that therapy was helpful and hope that you can have some sunshine in your life – both literally and metaphorically – very soon, Christie.

    To answer your question, I’ve always been in the calories in/out camp as well, so I see no reason not to eat right before bedtime if you’re hungry.

  15. I hear it doesn’t matter what time of day you consume calories, what matters is the total at the end of the day.

  16. We go to bed so early that I’m not usually hungry, but I eat a snack if I am. Going to bed hungry is a sign that my disordered eating is making a comeback.

    I decided to go on medication for my SAD this year. I haven’t taken any for the past 5-6 years because I took Paxil previously and it killed my sex drive completely. I started Wellbutrin a week or so ago and so far, so good. I’ve always exercised regularly and (though maybe it helped) my winters have still been painful.

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