Inside Myself

Yesterday,  I woke up around 7 again but this time, not feeling so great. I felt like I had a hangover despite the fact that I haven’t drank any alcohol in ages. I wanted oats, so I made a small bowl on the stop top with a 1/4 cup oats, water and half a banana. Once it was done, I topped it with a splash of hemp milk and an almond butter spoon. It was warm and comforting and just what I wanted.

After breakfast, I blogged and then did a 50 minute morning vinyasa yoga flow from yogadownload.com. It was a very challenging flow for me as there were a couple of inversions that I never learned how to get myself into when I was practicing in a studio. The first being forearm stand and the second being handstand. I was able to get into shoulder stand at the end without toppling though. After the yoga practice, I felt energized and ready to face the world.

After a quick shower, I had my second mini meal of the day. It was the same chicken sausage and cold roasted Brussels sprouts from Saturday so I thought a picture was unnecessary. This time, I served myself only 6 sprouts since it was what it took the day before. And today, that wasn’t enough so I went back and had what was left of them.

For some reason, my mood took a nose dive from there. The dear husband was out on his long run and he was running later than expected, no pun intended. I started to worry and full time anxiety kicked in. He ran by the driveway as I was standing in the door and waved. He held up one finger letting me know he had one more mile to go. For some reason, this did not ease my mind. I paced around the house trying to focus on my Sunday cooking activities and nothing was helping. Once he was home, showered and settled, I made him a triple decker recovery sandwich and as he was eating it, I started crying.

I am still not sure what was really wrong with me, I went from happy, dancing and singing to anxious. I felt lonely while he was away and once he returned, I guess I just released all of the feelings. After my short cry, I felt a little better and made another small meal. It was very boring and uninspired. I had a little of the chicken I had been roasting during the morning on a whole wheat pita with romaine. I had a little honey mustard for dipping.

I was still a bit hungry once I was done with it so I had a tiny bowl of the 17 bean soup I had on the stove.

After that, I felt a little better and just wanted to rest. We rented an on demand movie, Meet the Browns, and I fell asleep within minutes. When I woke up, I had a very quiet feeling going on, like I was deep within myself. It is so hard to explain. I wasn’t feeling anxious or sad anymore, just quiet.

I finally made dinner a couple hours after waking. I made roasted acorn squash with parmesan and breadcrumbs. I used the recipe that Sarah used for her party, but it didn’t turn out the same, it was delicious, but not as good as hers. She used butter and I used olive oil, I guess that is the reason why.

I also sauteed a couple of crab cakes that we had in the freezer from Whole Foods. I made a spicy aioli to go on top. I ended up burning the crab cakes and putting too much rooster sauce in the mayo. I was really “off” I guess.

For dessert, I had a small handful of dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts. They reminded me of our honeymoon when we went to the macadamia nut farm. I think I liked them better in Hawaii 🙂

As I look back on the day that I had a whirlwind of emotions, I am thankful that I just sat in my feelings instead of turning to food. At one point, while I was folding laundry, I thought about just noshing until I couldn’t feel anything but I made the decision that food was not my solution. I’m not sure what triggered such a negative feeling sort of day but I am glad I came out of it without any food guilt.

QOTD: Do you have days where you feel flooded with negative emotion and you just can’t figure out why?

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14 Responses

  1. mmm, crab cakes are my fav. even if they’re burnt =P

    and yes, i was in that negative mood yesterday. allllll day. i think it’s gone today, though.

  2. I have many days when I feel like that and I had one yesterday too! I am so proud of you for sitting with your emotions and not turning to noshing! I hope today is better for you!

    Your bean soup looks fantastic!

  3. Looove that energizing feeling after a vinyasa yoga routine.

    Oooh squash!!

    Oh yes, I have days like that, for sure – a lot of times it’s when I’m super-stressed from studying for exams, lots of schoolwork, frustration from not getting the dance choreography on the first try, etc. Hang in there!!

  4. I sure do have those days! What makes it worse for me is knowing I’m in a funk, but not being able to shake it! Some “alone” time with a book will usually help.
    Aside from your “off” day, all the food looks great….even the crab cakes!

  5. oh yes, i def have days like that…but i don’t end up crying…i’ll be be on the verge of it…and i end up snapping at everyone. 😛

  6. I love CRAB CAKES!!… Oh sorry for the caps… I just love them

  7. Oh yes, I call them “Funk” days. And there’s no particular reason for the funk, right? Good for you for not going to the food for comfort! I’m glad you have this blog to go back to when this may not t come as natural as it does now, because you can look back at how strong you are and draw from it.

  8. Hi! Love your site.

    I can totally relate to the “once in a while I just feel like crap” part. Needing to cry for two minutes just to get random negative energy out, not knowing where it comes from, and feeling better afterwards.

    I’m guessing it’s part of being a girl. 🙂

  9. I am so sorry to hear about your sad day. I definitely have negative days. Sometimes I am just in a funk. I hope you are doing better today!

  10. There are 17 different beans that can go into a soup?!

  11. Good for you Christie. Yes, I have those days too. Flooded is the perfect word. But you’re right, we can sit with our pain. It takes us to the next level.

  12. I’m so proud of you for not giving in!!! Some day I’ll be as strong as you. I’m trying to turn to God instead of food, to quit this emotional eating, and I think it’s working so far. My best Friend makes everything better 🙂

  13. This is so interesting to me, because I had a very similar day last Friday. I could NOT break out of my funk, no matter how hard I tried. But I had no idea what was wrong. I think that’s what scared me the most – just NOT knowing. I hope your Monday went much better!

    That 17 bean soup is absolutely fabulous.

  14. good for you for consciously choosing to sit with your feelings instead of numbing yourself out on a binge. i struggle with the SAME thing, so i know exactly how hard that is. congratulations, that is progress!

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